Assuming Direct Control
by SarcasticDonkey
Summary: Humorous one shot inside Collector base. Shepard x Tali. Harbinger humor.


"Assuming direct control."

"Oh keelah not again." I heard my quarian girlfriend mutter as she released her favored Chatika on the latest batch of Collectors that made the mistake of trying to stop us.

"We are your genetic destiny."

I couldn't stop myself from quipping here "Do you think he means just me or you two as well I mean they'be only kidnapped humans so far." Immature I know but a valid point.

"Probably all of us," Garrus's voice buzzed in my ear as a sniper shot left a burning hole in the Collector who had the audacity to try and shoot us with a rocket launche. I knew I shouldn't have gotten incendiary ammo for the whole crew. Garrus used twice as much as even Grunt. "You know organics in general."

"Ah but you don't see them going around kidnapping turians do you. They seemed to have a beef with humanity. Xenophobe. We should really file a complaint that's discrimination." I fired a conclusive shot at a few husks they seemed to have added for variety and blasted them over the edge. "It's unfair I tell ya." What you think I'm some kinda psycho? I'd cry about what they're doing here later but now I need to shut my brain off. Jokes help with that; a little trick I picked up after Akuze.

"Don't worry Shepard," Tali interjected they could consider your people the greatest threat so they decided to indoctrinate them before all the other species."

"Or maybe they just thought your people would be the easiest to turn into a race of mindless drones."

"Meh I don't know maybe they just think we're assholes."

Harbinger was apparently a bit neglected so he sent a black and gold biotic blast towards me with his standard monotone call of "This hurts you."

I ducked back behind cover so the attack went over my head. "Actually it doesn't you missed jackass!"

"We are your genetic destiny."

I whipped out the Cain and primed a blast that could blow the bug into a thousand pieces. Gorey gorey pieces. "See this I don't care" BAM! "... now shut up."

We all holstered our weapons and surveyed the damage. "You'd think these hyper-intelligent machines of yours would calculate some better threats." Garrus of course said this having picked up my knack for battlefield sarcasm sometime during his stretch in Omega.

"Well Garrus thereally may be a reason for that," Taking said gesturing with her omni-tool "The sudden increase in power both offensive and defensive as well as awakening latent biotic potential in the DNA seems to fry a portion of the brain. Harbinger only takes some degree of cover 2% of the time in comparison to the average of 15% among standard drones. This increased combat efficiency seems to...".at point see noticed our incompreding stares. "...or maybe whatever is controlling the Collectors isn't very creative."

"There we go Miss vas Normandy was that so hard?"

"Though the biotically enhanced Collector's aren't being used to their full potential." She really couldn't help herself sometimes. It was kind of adorable. "In a normal soldier the increased capabilities would result in an overall increase of almost 300% in the Collector's it's barely 75%." Again she noticed our stares. "Not that it would matter against Shepard anyways."

"Thanks Tali it's nice to be appreciated."

"From what I heard you two got your fill of appreciating done on the ship."

Shit. Not that I'm ashamed or anything (trust me if you'd seen what's under that suit the last thing you'd be is ashamed) but we thought we were keeping it on the down low to avoid messing with the crew dynamic.

"How exactly did you hear about that." Uh Oh that was a voice I'd heard almost exclusively on Cerberus personel and Legion before she came to a sort of truce with both parties. And judging by the look she was giving me I might not see the inside of her suit for a while.

"Dr. Solus isn't the biggest believer in doctor-patient confidentiality." Not helping Garrus!

"You went to Mordin!?" Yeah scratch that I definitely wasn't seeing the inside of her suit for a while.

"So you could be safe! He said to self serialize and those positions you like those were his idea! He had phamhlets! I thought you asked him!"

"Me!"

"That was Katsumi, she and Kelly had a pool going on if and when you two would hook up. Thanks by the way I won almost $5000."

Something told me that despite how beautiful she was under the mask I did not want to see Tali's face right about now. "Everyone better survive this suicide mission so I can kill them myself. " was all she said as she stormed towards the next room.

"Assuming direct control. " apparently one of the drones was only injured as a golden light came from behind a pillar and Harbinger stepped out.

Before Garrus or I could even draw our weapons Tali had hit it with an Overload and fired three shots of incendiary ammo into its center mass from close range. It fell quickly but still tried to speak.

"Resistance is Pointle -"

Tali stepped onto it's chest and leveled her shotgun whatever passed from it's face "John's right. Shut up you boshtet." BAM! As she racked in a new thermal clip she call back "Come on! The sooner we save the galaxy the sooner I get to kill the crew!"

After exchanging a quick glance Garrus and I hurried forward. Now did not seem like a good time to keep Taking from her goal.

"Assuming direct control." For a second I almost felt bad for that Collector.


End file.
